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]] - blazin' Impulse - [[
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Stayed at home all day till night time then went out. Went to compass point... Felt kinda weird entering a converse shop with a converse pouch, planning to buy quite a couple types of converse items lolz ! Bought new bag, wallet and long sleeve black shirt. Went to popular to read books... Read True Singapore Ghost Stories BOOK-12 ! Out liao... kinda fast sia... Then went on reading horoscope books... Then, i read about something on Ouija board, tarot cards and stuff... These are things which im very curious to try but dun dare to cause of fear of whichever after effects they may bring. Then the writer russel lee of TSGH book 12 mentioned never to dabble with such things, because they are of demonic origin. Kinda taken aback though... I guess next time if there is a chance, i rather not touch them.
Haiz... feelin kinda bored all day, every day... Lost and trapped in my own world... My life lacks energy now... And there is only one and only to replenish it... No matter how many girls i see on the streets, i just dun feel a single thing... Got once, a friend motioned to me about all the chio bu around us, he has a stead, yet he cld still be interested in them... Yet i wasnt... weird though* anyway i cld even warn him dat he has a stead n he shldnt even be interested in them...
Why is it that things are so different for me as compared to others? Why cant everyone else cherish the one beside them when they have them? Yet even though i cherish a lot, all the more i lose it all... haiz =(
^Life Is So Upside Down Now* Losing interest in all other things... Pls... hear my pleas... Save me... >.<
Time flew so fast yet so slow... Now... time for holidays* however its merely de start of supplementary lessons haiz. Last day of school today... kinda disappointing though... coz cldnt see 4 1 last time... haiz, =( ... anyway got back report book and got information of somethings... Lolz kinda unbelievable anyway. Good News and Bad News. Good news, no more re-exam for me... lolz... can go HK with ease liaoz... Bad news, dunno whether not havin re-exam is such a good thing or not... But if have, kinda risky anyway...
Went out early 2dae... to play cs in a competition between 3e2 and 3e4. Wah kaoz... reached the cybercafe... den not enough place... den a few of us in 3e2 could not play earli. In the end, it was an unfair match. 6 VS 4 ... siao bo... lost like shiet sia, de rest of my frnds who were playing. Den when i started playin to join them, wah kaoz... 3e4 ppl went to play on their own... saying what... 3e2 too "lan" liao... wah kaoz... didnt noe wei cheng, brian and gang all so hao lian. Merely bully people by outnumbering then say such things... kaoz sia... Wad a dae... aniwae heck them liao we 3e2 ppl played on own.... Much more fun... Went home after that...
Sian sia... once holiday starts, hafta go full steam ahead liaoz... haiz.. God bless me... It is so tiring facing everything* so alone... =(
Well... played too many games le... oops sia... too bz 2 post... aniwae results out le... haiz... disappointing... =(... aniwae a new year means a new start... everything will be back on track soon... i promise... Graduation day ended... kinda sad day for the sec4s i guess... some even cried... But ironically... their O levels haven even ended yet alreadi graduated liao ! lolz... how funny... I tried imagining their feelings while in the hall... it must have been kinda sad sad...
Haiz... but nothing can be worse off than feelins of a souless person now... Feeling so dead... so dead... Havin no aim in life... Not wanting to move on... Trapped in an unknown dimension... haiz... if onli sum1 cld guide me out of this misery... But dere is onli 1 n onli... ~no more~ =(
Thats it... Tomorrow decides my fate... Just chatted with friend who borns on same dae, same month, same year as me... but a few hours younger than me, madeline. Talked bout relationship n stuff... Both in same plight lolz... so qiao.. Aniwae while discussing bout my prob, my mood went kinda down... almost reachin de state of feeling like crying it out haiz... Everyday im so haunted by my own memories... Hoping for a miracle yet fearing that nothing i want will ever come true... haiz... So stucked in myself... Now im not interested in ani other gals.. juz dun feel like fallin 4 ani 1 else... yet at de same time still holding on... fallin 4 sum1 else wld b a new beginning yet i realli dun want that 2 happen... its juz so saddening coz a new beginning wld mean forgetting de past... Yet i am still holding on 2 something so painful.. painful till i almost feel like crying the moment i am alone everytime, tinkin of de past haiz... =(
*waiting 4 a miracle... waiting 2 be saved... waiting 4 de glimmer of hope....* >.<~
Well, not dat i dun care bout my results or wad... juz dat i cant do anithing bout it now... Haiz... hopefully im given a chance... once holidae starts, gonna chiong all my subjects, 24/7 everydae 2 hours take down notes of a subject.. hopefully that will save me...
Went 2 suntec 2dae... wEiRd DaE 4 wWeIrDd things... went 2 chinese restaurant... full of china waitresses... but all siao siao 1... kept on eyeing my table... dunno y ... everynw and then, or can sae within 1 minute, can have 10 waitresses coming over planning to change my plate ! lolz dunno whats their prob... gort a few times my plate got food they aso wanna changee... SIAO... lolz den when i went mac, suddenly kinda taken aback when i first saw how they changed their wae of service, it is like so damn empty yet they still need a person to go arnd with MAC PDA 2 take down orders... lolz so dotz sia... i was merely buying a sundae... wEiRd.
*still trapped in vortex of pain... haunting me everydae... memories kept flooding my mind.... Juz cant get it outta my head... tears almost roll down everytime when im alone... i need hlp... but the onli 1 who can do so... is me or her... haiz... Now dat im left 2 fend 4 myself, how i wonder whn will i eva be saved...*
~waiting~
What else can possibly happen 2 me... Life is so upside down now... First was relationship, Second is my current plight in risk of retaining... Now, so alone, no 1 else 2 lean 2... no 1 else 1 cling on 2 4 support...
How i wish i cld juz 4get bout everything n start life anew... But wads done cannot be undone... Nth can be done 2 salvage both my problems... If onli i cld go back in time, if onli i can redo what was done and things wld hab been different 2dae... =(... So stressed out in everything... Feel like crying it out at times... but tears juz wont come out coz its juz too swelled up in my heart... Feelin so trapped... Caged in my own soul by my own problems... >.<
*Hopefully miracle happens...*
~waiting n waiting~ <4>
Phew... i dun tink will fail english... dat means left with 1 last subject to pass... LIT !!!... dotz sia... hopefully i dun flunk it even though ms ow said mani ppl dun do as well in it... shiet man... haiz... Next tues is the deciding dae le... darn... haiz... if onli dere is sum1 4 me 2 turn to... =( ... it sure does not feel good being in such a plight, facing it alone...
Well Well Well... Exam results take back le... How much betta off can i possibly be? Failing 5 out of 8 subjects... almost kena retain or can sae still got 50% chance of getting retained !... haiz... pathetic... Now still hafta rely on that remaining lit and english and phy to pass to get me on to sec 4s... diaoz* haiz... good luck 2 myself sia... I guess i will be startin 2 buck up once holidae starts... Gonna take down notes for every chapter of every subject everydae le... doing it as a means of revision haiz... Hopefully i will make it... Oh god... Good luck 2 de rest of u out dere...
*GOD BLESS ME !!!! HELP !!!*
Haiz... Short holidae end le... 2molo needa return sch... Aniwae had a wild dae goin ice skating n plaein cybercafe... quite a lot happened sia... A gal kena fits while skating... den XF lost hp... wah seh... dunno y shooo mani things happen. Haiz... gonna take back papers le... dunno will fail how mani sia.. oh shit la... y m i in such a bad situation... haiz... =(
Feelin kinda down 2dae even though had a wild dae wif de rest... Kinda isolated myself frm da world... Alwaes keepin 2 myself alone... listenin 2 music while reminiscing de past =(... its alwaes recurring... juz dunno y... probably it has alreadi dugged itself deep into my soul haiz :'-( Had a bad dream a few daes ago... Dreamt dat i lost her 2 sum1 else... Juz dunno y... almost felt souless as if life has lost its meaning... haiz... aniwae zou yi bu kan yi bu...
*waitin n waitin till i fall*
YEAH... woke up kinda late 2dae coz last nite plaed till arnd 2 - 3 plus am... Den went 2 plae gb 2 finish up earnin my money... Hehz finally bought my creature violet... damn cool... Den went out 2 rollerblade 2 satisfy my long term cravin' sia... Went out at 4.30pm den blade till arnd 7pm... hahaz siao bo... den bladed all over the neighbourhood over LONG distances... hehz den went 2 punggol park n bladed round n round continuously with no restin' 4 about 16 rounds bahz haha siao bo... Total distance i roller bladed 2dae ish arnd maybe 19.2 KM !!! haha almost 20 km... can blade from hougang 2 yishun le lolz... too bad cant go over 2 plae lolz... *while goin rnds in de park... i was kinda distracted haiz... still tinkin of her... hopefully she did well 4 exams* Aniwae nw going back 2 plae gb 2 slack le... Okie... dats all...
Woo Hoo... Finally exams over liaoz. After sloggin everynite until 11 pm... Finally its a nite when i dun needa sleep earli lohz... Aso, no needa drink dat 2pid chicken essence le lolz... Phew... wad a dae sia... After chinese exams, going 2 kovan 2 plae bowling... aiyo plae till finger damn pain... haiz.... Den went 2 Chiltern Prk Wif Ian... Wah seh... damn shiok... went dere plaed squash and tennis wif timothy alex n de rest of de gals hu were dere... HEhz, so long nv plae tennis le since pri 5... didnt expect i cld still plae betta and even manage 2 learn howta serve the ball... Damn shuang... Aniwae plaed till arnd 7 pm.. darn late... reach home le kinda tired... Aniwae went 2 plae gb to cont' earnin money for my fav item... Creature Violet. Lolz... kinda lame aniwae... Well, hopefully frm 2dae onwards, everything will change n become betta... Dats all Folkz
My New Beginning At De Horizon