Monday, January 31, 2005

I'm tired... What may seem to be may not be what it should be. What u see is what u thought u understood. What u dun see is what u do not understand. What is a dead heart. Why does it still function even if its dead? How dead is dead? How down is down? How sad is sad? How deep have i fallen down? With grades falling, with the mind failing, with my soul dying, will there ever be a moment when i can actually stand right up even after i am shattered again and again?

Left all on my own... Wondering all about the unreal reality.
Wondering what is it like to be alive as a human,
Wondering how to become a living being once again,
Wondering where should i head for,
Wondering when will i ever stand up,
Wondering who shall be the one who will light my way up once more.
But will there ever be another who again after all, that particular who will never be replaced?

No matter how much i do for my own friends whom i had helped in solving their own problems
and giving them advice, will i ever be able to solve myself? The mysterious problem which may not even actually exist as a form on its own?

]]Will i ever enjoying smiling again like i used to do?
]]Will happiness ever mean anything to me?
]]Will torment ever stop pursuing me?
]]Will things change for the better?
]]Will i ever live my life again?
]]Will reality ever be real ?
]]Will she come back?
[[She Wun >.<[[

[[I am Fallen]]

-I haf fallen

-I am falling

-I will always be falling.

Will i ever find the answer to everything? If only i can 1 dae. If dat dae ever comes, i will be back blogging. But this may juz as well mark the end of everything coz dat dae may never exist. ~CrestFallen~

*I am not what i seem to be*

Signing off: Fallen

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
11:59 PM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Friday, January 14, 2005

I am a very emotional person... i dun deny dat fact. Plus, coz of dat, im beri sensitive too... but still, still end up very often neglecting signs of problems which i myself haf caused as a result. Why cant i ever be ever more alert towards needs of frnds? All along i alwaes thought dat i knew... but will i ever realli know? After the saga has ended... At first, i was still deeply struck... seriously disappointed in myself, wonderin... how did things end up this wae. But on my priority list... i cldnt get my mine of being realli sorri... coz all my life, i had hope to make others happi but yet i caused unhappiness this time round. I am really sorry. But nowadaes things have been so taxing for me dat i juz cant manage everything. Glad dat u ppl haf accepted my presents at least... That alone is a relieving fact liaoz... haiz...

Im sorry 4 everything that is caused... and i hope that things will turn out better in the future for every1...

*down*

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
9:59 PM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Sunday, January 09, 2005

Awww finally everything is over... de sec 1 camp is finally over. After all it was a strenuous journey for me. Long before, during december holidaes, came back often... Contributed lots and made lotsa preparations for the camp. At least im glad dat every1 were happi bout my idea of having "The Incredibles" as camp theme... The theme song too... as the gang show cum campfire In Charge, i decided to use "I Dream" as the theme song for every1 to song. Hope all of you out there have enjoyed it.

First day was tiring enough, having slept only 1 hour, and 3 hours on second night.
I will never want to experience the problems which i faced during second day of camp (6 jan thurs), havin to run all over the place, setting up stuff, ensuring sec1 ones prepare their dance items and stuff ( ended skipping my dinner) , havin emcees not following my program ; den coz of it, i faced a huge problem of having the entire campfire in a mess ( dun worri if any of u reads this, u ppl did a good job though it was a mess. It was my fault i tink cause i didnt remind u ppl to follow my program strictly ) , den havin mr edward wong to be damn angry with me ( at the end of campfire, when every1 were celebrating, i had to apologise to him... i said sorri mr wong. and he replied, let me cool down first. dat struck me deeply )

Well, anyway, though i faced lots of problems and was totally stressed out during camp... at least im glad dat its all over and every single 1 enjoyed the campfire such as sec ones, facilitators and teachers ( which even miss tan and miss loo did ! WHEE... dat gave me a great sense of accomplishment ) It was both successful and unsuccessful to me. It didnt worked out the way i had planned but at least i noe i made it enjoyable for every1 to remember =)

*If any 1 of you out there ish unhappy about the gangshow cum campfire, pls let me noe

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
4:52 PM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Tuesday, December 28, 2004

OMG OMG OMG... i ran faster than my whole bball team 2dae !!! even surpassed de fastest runner by 1 extra round !!! wah song sia... 2 tink last yr i was still among the last few runners, finally my hard work of never slacking has paid off sia... even coach couldnt believe his eyes when he saw me maintaining my first position lead throughout !!! lolz... i dun even believe myself too... but all i noe ish dat nv to stop my pace... this is 1 of da most unbelievable daes of my life sia... lolz

Haiz... seed of chucky is rated M18... sobz*... budden leh... i juz finished DOWNLOADING it !!! lolz... jia lat... hmk still not completed... oh shiet... so many things going on now... can explode liaoz... bball friendly this thursday la, sg-hk project la, sec1 orientation camp la, sec1 cca orientation la... wah seh sia... never ending jobs on my hand... most especially... MY HMK !!! omg... jia lat... god bless me... aniwae kinda broke nowadaes... totally... not a single cent left... kept buying things... haiz

Now i am still considering to go jc or poly sia... heard from marvin dat... at his catholic jc, jc1 students 10% either retain or drop out... jc2 students at most 70% promote to uni... oh sharks... so scary... as a guy, i cant afford to waste 2 yrs of studies if i cant manage... shiet... all bcoz of dat NS thingy haiz... maybe i juz end up in poly... well, if my Olevel results is less than 12... den i go jc bahz... i tink

~waitin n waitin... holdin on 4 as long as i shall be~

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
8:57 PM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Driftin as it seems... Aimlessly... Wif no sense of urgency in life...

I wonder whr my path lie... N whn my true destiny will eva reveal itself... Never stoppin... Ponderin continuously... Who can eva be de true answer to my doubts...

I Wonder

Silenced... in de silent world of my own... Moulding my own dreams... in my own reality... Never being able to realise them will always be my downfall... When will i ever start walking out from my dream. Who will actually have de strength to pull me up. The strength which i do not even possess myself... :(

~Lying here consciously unconscious... 4eva waiting.... waiting 2 4 a miracle... waiting 4 hope~

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
12:05 AM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Tuesday, December 14, 2004

awww so damn tired... after all these while, i still got so many things to bother about... oh damnnit... shiet... Got sec1 campfire la, sg-hk project la, and even my hmk... haiz... sian... this remaining 2 weeks dun seem like holiday anymore... sian... At least i watched lotsa shows 2 keep myself occupied to relieve my stress... Such as movies like incredibles and dodgeball, both of which i downloaded... lolz... and the HK serial drama -> "My Date With A Vampire 3" song sia... plus downloaded episodes of my most favourite anime... "Gundam Seed Destiny" Phew... sian... sec4 startin liaoz... no more playin le... mum said i cannot use com once sch starts... haiz shiet...

~tRaPpEd iN mY pAsT~
~lIvIn iN dE wOrLd oF sOliTuDe n dEcEiT~

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
8:10 PM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey
Saturday, December 04, 2004

Oh yeah... finally results for re exam out liaoz... whee... passed both... phew* Bought my sec4 bks 2dae too... Den went for bball match with fuchun sec todae... went in to play and gotten arnd 8 points i guess... aniwae durin de last quarter had no more stamina liaoz... den coach saw dat den sub me out... aniwae we won the match in de end. After dat, i felt kinda giddy and wanted 2 vomit. Awww probably due to de fact dat i ate my lunch too late, just b4 match... den while i was resting on the seats, lying down, coach asked if i need ren gong hu xi... lolz siao bo... den he shouted 2 bao xian... hahaz... i almost jumped up... aniwae he was juz jokin... oh ya... my hp also kena into water... damn it... heng only lcd screen spoil... budden dunno wad 2 do bout it liaoz... shiet sia... wad an unlucky dae...

~trapped in my past~

yU tInG ~SoAreD At~
1:27 AM
Undertaking Eternal Destiny As My Journey

*Translated Lyrics*

Even though we exchanged a lot of words,
we still couldn't understand each other completely.
But we didnt notice it. I only want to hold you.
Though i lost my dream, u told me not to give it up

Chorus:
The further the distance between us,
the more i feel you closer.
Even the sadness changes to strength when i think of you

What is the cause of this poignant sorrow?
It's a remaining piece of my dream.

Miraculously, we had once been able to face each other Without Awkwardness

Lets believe in such a miracle once again.